Sam Gusway

“Oh, Wooly,” Carolyn laughed, “It’s just politics. Everybody wants to meet you, so why should that one man be any different?”

It turned out that he was very different. First of all, he did not travel alone. Days before he was scheduled to arrive a whole team came in to the Lab. While several people in black clothes examined the Lab, 2 men and a woman sat down at the table with Carolyn and went over what would take place during the visit. They were very serious and did not laugh or smile.

“The president will only be here for a few minutes. We want a few shots of him and Wooly outside with Wooly just being an animal, eating or something. But really we want the exciting stuff, his greatest feats of intelligence and strength. So, what would you suggest for that?”

“He’s very good at catching food, so we could have the president toss him a potato or something.”

“Hmmmm…interesting…I wonder…does Wooly eat corn? Could the president possibly toss him a cob of corn instead?”

“Yes, that would be alright, I guess.”

The woman leaned back and whispered with the men seated on either side of her. They all nodded.

“Ok, then, tossing corn, that’s one. Anything else?”

“Wooly could paint a picture for the president.”

“Hmmmm…we’d rather stay away from anything too…artistic… The focus here is strong, smart and funny.” She glanced around the Lab.

“Is that one of those carnival toys over there?”

“Um…oh, that? Uh, yeah, we received that as a gift from one of the big circuses when Wooly was about 2. Ugh. They wanted Wooly to ‘run away with them’. He hasn’t played with it in years but he used to love it.”

“How does it work exactly?”

“Ummm…well… it’s one of those tests of strength from an old carnival. You know, you hit the lever with a big mallet and hope that it rings the bell?”

“Oh, right.”

“Well, Wooly picks up the mallet with his trunk and then hits it. If he got a good swing in and it hit the bell, he’d get really excited. But again, he hasn’t touched it in …gosh…years.”

“I can see this working. It will stay in tune with the classic Americana image that we like to present. Super. Anything else?”

“We could have him play fetch.”

“What, with a Frisbee or a stick or a ball?”

“Oh, no…we put a bunch of small toys in a pile and we tell him to bring us certain animals.” She looked at me and motioned to the large plastic tub in the corner that held my stuffed toys.

“Wooly, bring me the giraffe. Wooly, gir…r-a-a-a-a-ffe.”

I waddled over to the tub and rooted through it with my trunk until I found the giraffe intertwined with the tiger. I shook it free, held it aloft in my trunk and then dropped it in Carolyn’s lap.

“Good boy, Wooly!”

“Hmmmm…that could be interesting…how often does he get it wrong?”

“Oh, almost never. I think the last thing he mixed up was an alligator and a crocodile. Once we tell him the name, he remembers it, and there are probably 500 plush toys in there now.” She tapped some buttons on her screen and then corrected herself. “523.” 

“I see…”

They conferred for a moment and then the woman spoke,

“Does Wooly have a toy panda? It could be viewed as a peaceful overture to the Chinese. Could he fetch that?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, go ahead, try it. Wooly, this woman wants to ask you something.”

I looked over to her and she was actually smiling. She spoke to me slowly, sing-song,

“Wooly…can you get me the panda? Pan-da? Can you get the panda?”

I glanced over at Carolyn. She nodded to me so I went back to the tub of toys and dug around in it again. Catching sight of some black and white fuzzy fur, I grabbed it and pulled it out, only to discover that it was the zebra. I tossed it aside and delved in again. The panda was at the very bottom, far in the back corner. I nudged it closer until I could get a firm grip on it, then pulled it out. Once I knew it was the right one, I trotted back across the room and placed the panda on the woman’s lap.

“Oh my god that’s amazing!” She clapped her hands and smiled ear to ear, completely forgetting about how serious she was supposed to be. 

She looked at Carolyn. “Can I touch him?”

“Sure.”

She rubbed the top of my head, playing with the hair.

“Good boy, Wooly! You’re so smart, aren’t you, huh? Yes, you are. You are!”

One of the men beside her cleared his throat, and she straightened up and swept off her hands. She put the panda on the table and looked again at Carolyn.

“Ok, he should be very happy about this, I think he’ll like it. Now…is it true that Wooly can speak?”

“Oh no, he can’t speak. Although he understands a lot of commands, and English words. But he can make a lot of different sounds and imitate different animals.”

She got up and went into another room, returning a moment later wheeling a cart loaded with grass and vegetables. She spoke to the three people across from her,

“I’ll warm him up a bit first. Ok, Wooly, let’s start with some easy ones. First…can you tell me what a tiger sounds like?”

I gurgled and growled, and she tossed a small turnip over, which I caught, crunched and swallowed.

“Good Boy, Wooly. Ok, now show us a horse. Can you sound like a horse?”

I puffed out, flapping my lips.

“Good boy,” she said, throwing me another turnip.

“How about a dolphin? Can you do a dolphin?” I could, and did, and she threw me another turnip. We did a few more animal sounds and each time I would be rewarded with another pale, bland turnip, leaves and all. After the last one, a neighing horse, she held up a little purple nugget, streaming with delicious purple veined green leaves. I squealed. I LOVE beets.

“Oh, do you like that, huh? Good boy, ha ha.” 

“Well, it’s quite interesting, but I think we’ll start with the other things as they’ll make for better photo ops. Then, if we have any time left over, we can add the animal sounds.”

 “Ok. Wooly, you can go play. Go ahead.” She pointed outside, so I wandered off to the Enclosure and left them to the rest of their discussion.

The day the president came to visit, there were even more people helping. Early in the day the people in the black clothes came back to examine the Lab once again. They checked every doorway and in the enclosure some of the people were even standing on top of the walls, searching for hidden dangers. Some of the people walked quickly in and out of the Lab, talking into their phones. Others, like the men on top of the wall, stayed where they were all day.

Then another preparation team arrived. It was the same 3 people from the meeting a few days earlier, and they were joined by several other people carrying phones and papers. They sat down again to talk with Carolyn and make sure that everything was going to plan.

Once everything was in place, we waited. I played around in on the edge of the enclosure with a punching toy. I would knock it down with my trunk, but no matter how hard I hit it, it would pop back up again. It was one of my favorite toys, but I was always breaking it, so they had to buy me new ones.

It was quiet in the Lab until several phones began to beep and ring.

“Alright, we’re ready for him. The president is on his way people. Look alive, here he comes.”

We could hear a dull roar coming towards the Lab. The door opened and several men in black uniforms came in, followed by several photographers taking pictures with huge cameras. They quickly filled up the room, jockeying for position to get the best angles.

Then, Dr. Fuji walked in with a tall, slim older man in a suit. Though his hair was streaked with white and his skin was lined with wrinkles and veins, he walked and smiled with the energy of a much younger person. Behind them another large group of photographers and reporters streamed in. Dr. Fuji led the guest over to Carolyn.

“Yes, our Mammoth project is one of the most successful ones to date, and it could not have been accomplished without dedicated professionals like this young lady. Mr. President, I’d like you to meet Dr. Carolyn Stevens, one of our brightest young talents. Dr. Stevens, the President.”

The president shot out his hand and squeezed Carolyn’s and shook it vigorously.

“How do you do, ma’am? It is an honor to meet such an intelligent and charming young lady.” His voice had a deep echo to it, smooth like oiled rust, and the words stretched in his mouth as he said them.

“Oh, the honor is all mine, I can assure you, Mr. President.”

“Nonsense. I have been a big fan of your adventures with Wooly for some time now, in fact, I wanted to come for a visit during my campaign run, but they were afraid it might be politicized the wrong way. But here I am now. And it is a treat. So what can this animal do? Hello, there, fellah!”

Carolyn and I began showing him some of the skills we had talked about during the meeting. We started at the carnival toy, where the president posed with Carolyn and patted the side of the toy and whistled. “Boy, you don’t see too many of these any more. Ha ha, I can almost hear the carousel.”

Carolyn had taken the mallet out of a closet earlier, and she brought it over to me now. I was surprised to see it actually, as it had been buried away for so long. She held it out to me, saying,

“Go ahead, Wooly, Ring-the-bell!”

I looked at her and looked away. Ring the bell? Was she serious? I used to ring the bell when I was a baby! Admittedly, I still enjoyed the sound, but the toy held no challenge for me anymore. I simply snorted and waited.

The president sprang into action, taking off his suit jacket and passing it to one of his assistants.

“Maybe somebody needs to show how it’s done!” he said with a grin.

Then he grabbed the toy mallet and swung it into target. The steel ball shot up the slot, just above his head, but still quite far from the bell on top. He stepped back and furrowed his brow.

“Just getting warmed up, let’s try this again.” This time he swung the hammer in a full circle and slammed it down with a grunt. The steel ball shot up again and this time it came within inches of the bell, but still fell short of that satisfying “tang”. 

I laughed at him.

He shook his head and then re-tidied his hair. “Well, maybe I should have you show me how to do it. You think you can do better?” Then he passed the mallet over to me. I took it in my trunk, and with barely a tap, launched the steel ball straight into the bell with a loud clang that reverberated through the room.

The president looked impressed. “Alright, so that’s how it’s done. Well let’s see if the student can become the master.”

He spat in his hands and rubbed them together then hoisted the mallet and rested it on his shoulder. He took a few deep breaths, swaying back and forth before suddenly he half grunted half shrieked and lurched forward hard enough to pull the mallet onto the lever.

As the mallet crashed down we heard three things. The first was a loud tear: the president’s pants had torn right up the middle, second was a tik-tik-tak-tik-tik-tak of one of his shirt buttons bouncing on the cement floor. And the third sound was just a tiny whisper of a sound, it was the steel ball brushing the bell ever so slightly enough to cause it to vibrate. There was no clang like when I had hit it, but he had technically equaled my feat. I would have been far more impressed by this if I was still 2, but now it seemed like a skill as easy as walking.

The president straightened up, rolled his shoulder around, groaning. He tucked his shirt back in and quickly slipped on his suit jacket, hiding the large tear in the seat of his pants.

“Wow, he’s a strong little feller, isn’t he? This guy must put away his share of steak!”

“Umm…well, actually Wooly is a vegetarian, so…”

“Oh, well, so is one of my daughters. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

“Well, neither does Wooly, I guess. He’s always a little hungry though, so if you’d like to feed him some – “

“Why, I would love to! I hear this guy really enjoys his corn!”

“Yes, he sure does.”

Carolyn rolled out a large cart filled with turnips, carrots, cabbages, corn and other vegetables. The president pulled out an ear of corn and peeled back the husk a bit, pontificating. The entire time since the president had entered the Lab, the cameras were constantly clickety-clicking with bright flashing lights, and everywhere we went there were fat fuzzy microphones hanging above us like giant bumblebees, recording everything that was said. The president was smiling and cheerful, but I didn’t like how he pretended to be speaking to me or Carolyn, but really he was speaking to the reporters.

“Yeah, I’ve always liked corn, too. It always reminds me of those summer cookouts back on the farm. It’s amazing stuff, really. A delicious food, it provides nourishment and products like cooking oil and packing materials and it’s all grown right here in America. Now, I heard Wooly can catch his food, is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right. If you just stand a couple of yards away and toss it to him, he’s pretty good at grabbing it right out of the air.”

“Alright, let’s see how he does then. Ok, Wooly, look over here, boy!” He tossed the cob of corn to me in a nice gentle arc. Ordinarily I would have caught it no problem, but at the moment, I had no taste for corn. I had already caught a glimpse of some beets in the cart, and that’s what I really wanted. So, instead of catching the food, I turned  and let it glance off the side of my head and fall onto the floor. I motioned to the cart and bleated.

“Oops. Well, he doesn’t catch all of them. You want to try again?”

“Sure. Let’s see, come on Wooly.” He took another cob of corn and tossed it to me in another perfect arc. Again, I turned my head to the side and let it fall. This time I picked it up and I trunk and threw it back at him, hard. It tumbled end over end through the air and hit him right in the stomach, causing him to suck in when it did. Carolyn laughed nervously, and dusted off the president’s shirt.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. President! Are you ok? I’m sorry about that, I don’t know what happened there; he’s never done that before.”

He composed himself and smiled saying, “Oh, that’s alright, darlin’. It’ll take more than that to take me out!”

“Oh, I’m sure. But um… maybe Wooly’s not so hungry right now… would you prefer to see him play fetch instead?”

“Why, yes, I had heard that Wooly possesses quite a talent for remembering names. I would love to see that.”

We were winding our way through the Lab back to the entrance, when Carolyn looked at me and said, “Ok, Wooly…can you bring the president the bald eagle? Hmmm? Bahlllllllld…eeee-guuulllllll.”

I trotted off to the crate of plush toys and dug around in it until I found the eagle, the brown one with the white head. Carrying it proudly in my trunk I trotted back and presented it to the president.

“Well, I’ll be…how do you like that? That is quite something, Wooly. You know the bald eagle, the symbol of America. You know, one of the reasons for the success of this great nation of ours, is that we have so many allies all around the world. Even when things seem to be at their most tense with nations like Russia, we can rest easily knowing we are secure in having allegiances with great powers such as England, Canada, Germany, and China. This bald eagle does not fly alone, no sir… So Wooly, why don’t you go and get one of the American eagle’s friends? Can you go get the panda bear? Payyyyy-yaaaan-daaaaa-baaay-yaaaaare.” I leaned back and looked up at him, not altogether certain of what he said. He repeated it again. “Payyyyy-yaaaan-daaaaa-baaay-yaaaaare.”

I looked at Carolyn and then back at him. They were both looking eagerly at me and then glancing at the crate of toys. I waddled back over. I wasn’t used to the president’s voice, so it was hard to understand exactly what he had said. There were a few animals in the bin that sort of sounded like what he had said, but nothing exactly. I finally decided that it sounded most like he had said, ‘bear’, so that’s what I grabbed. It was a little dark brown bear wearing a little black fur hat and a red t-shirt with some yellow writing on it. I ran back to them and the president took the toy anxiously from my curled trunk. As he turned it over in his hands, his smile dropped.  I saw the color in his face change as he silently read the writing on the little bear’s shirt. I could sense extreme anger coming from him, but by the time he looked up at the cameras, his plastic smile was back on his face.

“Well, Wooly, heh heh heh, it’s important to know that not all bears are alike.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry, he’s really not – “

“Oh, that’s alright, Dr. Stevens. Don’t you fret. But I am afraid that it is time for me to go. I had a wonderful time here today though, and it was a real treat and an honor to see the great work that your company has accomplished alongside the federal government.”

“Oh, it was our pleasure, really.”

“Well, Wooly, Bye-bye!”

I waved goodbye and after a flicker of flashes, he stormed out of the room, with the wake of cameras and reporters swirling behind him.

In the emptiness that followed, Carolyn looked deflated. She looked at me, shaking her head. “Oh, Wooly…do you understand what you’ve done? I have no idea what is going to happen but it can’t be good.” She moaned and rubbed her eyes. I could tell she was upset, and part of it was that she was upset with me. This came as a brutal shock to me as I had never made Carolyn disappointed before. I had ignored or disobeyed requests from all of the scientists in the past, at times where I wasn’t interested in them or what they wanted me to do, and I often actually enjoyed the little thrill that came with frustrating them. In fact, sometimes I did things to frustrate them on purpose, because I found it so entertaining. But I had never felt this emotion from Carolyn before, at least not directed to me.

Lowering my head, my trunk swaying gently side to side, I crept over to her and rubbed my head on her hip and mewed. She cupped my head in her hands and sighed,

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s not really your fault, Wooly. In fact, I actually admire everything you did. I wish I had had the courage to act like that. I’m just a little upset because I know that we haven’t heard the end of this.”